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Alleyn’s School 
Child mental health.... A hot topic for sure, not just in schools but globally and we are acutely aware that for any number of reasons, children and adolescents nowadays are up against it.
There are of course any number of reasons why we find ourselves where we are. Social Media, the additional pressure that comes with managing a life lived online and all the traps and trips it entails is often attributed to much of what our children are going through and whilst it may be easy to blame the machinations of meta and mobile phones for all of the ills that seem to be increasingly overtaking our younger generations, and they absolutely play their part, there is in my experience far more going on than that.
The blissful ignorance of youth would appear to be in rapid decline and whilst information is power and therefore empowering for what is in many ways an impressively activated, righteous and driven generation, this sometimes unfiltered access to the media, invariably reporting on the very worst of what is happening in the world can be wearing for us all let alone those who may feel their future and the world they will live it in, is looking pretty bleak.
However, before we get too despondent, worry that much of this sits beyond our control and that we just can’t keep track of it all, there are absolutely some straightforward, dare I say ‘old school’ approaches or attitudes to improved or better still, sustained mental health that I, the rest of the pastoral team and some of the pupils (thanks for your input, you know who you are!) would definitely recommend.
Very few targeted interventions are as effective as a deliberate and determined attempt to improve sleep habits and basically, get more ‘zeds’. No phones in bedrooms are a no brainer – reading (book not screen) before sleep and absolutely not compromising these rules during hols – even if bedtime gets later are a must. Weighted blankets and now weighted giant cuddly toys are a real favourite amongst pupils.
Mind have some great advice here you might read through with your child.
You are what you eat – as is your brain especially if you’re an adolescent!
Delicious and nutritious is the order of the day. Make sure every meal has a decent balance between these 2 things and try not to be too judgemental around foods – If it’s time for a donut it’s time for a donut, although everything in moderation! Food should be fun and while we are on topic, family dinner times without phones are a great shout. Stick some background music on to help with those occasional awkward adolescent silences but seeing eating together as a social activity can be very helpful.
The 9pm watershed – remember that? I can remember the excitement of being allowed to stay up and watch ‘grown up TV’ (Dempsey and Makepeace anyone?), but with any number of streaming channels let alone you tube and social media platforms channelling of all sorts 24/7 straight to the eyeballs of an increasingly passive audience, It’s hard to stay on top of what our children are seeing let alone the messages they are receiving.
One unfortunate aspect of this, is that research suggests that parents are increasingly ignoring the BBFC’s recommendations on film, streamed TV and video games. It really does matter what your children are watching, playing and what they see. Age inappropriate viewing can expose children and adolescents to high risk behaviour related to drugs, alcohol and sex. They can also witness extreme violence which data shows is increasingly perpetrated in TV shows against women. They can also at a very basic level be exposed to all sorts of language not just unpleasant in its nature but racist, homophobic or prejudice in other ways. Although thankfully rare, when we deal with issues related to this sort of behaviour in younger pupils, they have normally reported hearing or seeing things including socially aggressive and manipulative behaviour on screen. Research in the past could rarely make the causation between what was seen on TV or computer games by children and their behaviour stick but there’s now good evidence that exposure to violent media does make children more aggressive and this gets particularly problematic when drugs, guns (USA) and sex are involved.
Children don’t always want to watch the horrible stuff, in fact most would choose not to. However, the impact of these things which they often don’t mean to see, on their mental health, causing anxiety and distress, unreasonable expectations of self and those around them, a distorted view of relationships and social norms etc... means it might be wise to keep a close eye children’s and adolescents viewing and gaming habits, particularly for those under the age of 15. Being aware of what they are watching and engaging in conversation about challenging material they have stumbled across is important. Don’t just passively accept that this stuff has to be part and parcel of their world.
Common sense media is a great place to start if you need any support around this and actually, having your child read reviews from other children and make informed decisions with you can be incredibly educative and helpful.
That’s right – quitting! One of the most crucial interventions we make with pupils at Alleyn’s who are feeling the strain is to identify where we can find them space to breathe and ‘be’.
Alleyn’s pupils are all in their own way quite remarkable and all in their own way extremely busy. I am staggered at some of the CV’s that our new year 7s arrive and frankly it makes me wonder what I’ve been doing for the past 45 years but too much of even a good thing is...too much. Spending time to reappraise ‘what?’ and most importantly ‘why?’ we are doing what we are doing is a good for all of us and if a pupil’s load has increased in some aspect or another. Academic, sporting, emotional etc… It is always a worthwhile process to assess whether there might be some time to be freed up elsewhere for sofa time with the dog/cat/TV/Book (not phone). Don’t fall into the trap of assuming that Co-curricular activities are a ‘cure all’ for potential stress and anxiety. Of course, they very much can be, but sport, music and drama particularly for some pupils are ‘serious fun’ - fun for sure but come with their own load, pressures & expectations to deal with.
I’ll write about this another time and it’s an area that I probably need to take my own advice in but it’s worth thinking about how we approach our time with our children. There is a risk I think that we become so preoccupied with whether our children are okay, doing the right things, doing enough or are on track that we sometimes forget to just be with them. While I’m writing I’m thinking there’s a whole other blog on being parents over doing parenting but that’s for another time.
If you ask your children, enough if anything is wrong, they may well after the n’th time tell you there is just to move you on. If you too often ask them about their schoolwork and their friendships or their sporting/musical progress, you may well be on the receiving end of that dreaded adolescent shrug. You absolutely should be having and encouraging conversations around these important topics but make sure there’s time just to do stuff together for the sake of it – Lego, gaming, a film, out to eat ice cream, and resist the urge to drag the chat back to their day to day. Alleyn’s pupils largely love their school but feedback can be that they don’t necessarily want to talk about it all the time!
Finally and very briefly – Your child’s mental fitness (I think it helps to think about it in a similar way to physical fitness) is something that will be theirs to manage their entire life. Encourage them to ‘own it’ get them to think about what makes them happy, what enables them to bounce back and quickly spot things that drag them down. A positive proactive sense of self and what makes us tick is something we should all be shooting for.
